Shame is no preschool level emotion. It’s a Ph.D. destroyer. It grows with time and builds on itself. It defeats you like a Jenga game knocking pegs out little by little until you feel so doubtful and insecure that you have trouble standing.
Jealousy works with shame. They both love to rot the bones that hold us up. They are powerful and take intentional time to defeat. That’s why I created a course to kill jealousy so you can start building up a life you love.
In my course, I mention the shame we find in middle school. It holds on to us until we learn to deal with it.
Free yourself from jealousy with this FREE email course, click here.
How are you affected by shame now? Do you think highly of your past self or would you rather change the subject when those years come up?
Though you have grown up a lot since then, I bet you still deal with doubts of yourself. However, maybe you feel pretty confident but you still don’t feel complete.
I go through different seasons of feeling content and then there are times where I feel like I’m lacking. I wish I had a different job or I wish my hours were different or if only the things I have been begging God for would happen.
Why does it feel like my life just isn’t enough sometimes? If you get anything out this course, I hope you hear me as a friend say, “me too.”
Jealousy rides on the discontentment in our lives. We’ve got to learn how to deal with the places we feel shame, so we can move forward into loving our present life and creating an even better future life.
How does shame affect the present?
Or ask yourself the question, “how do I live in the present without my “before picture”? You may not be the type of person to post a before picture or to post about your workout journey, but we are all people with a backstory.
The backstory is what made us who we are today. The person you used to be is important. Yeah they may have messed up a lot and created issues you have to deal with now BUT they had a purpose and they are apart of your overall story.
My challenge to you is to see your old version with new compassion. Look back at yourself with new eyes. Speak life over that person. If the only good thing you can think of is “they got me here today,” then that’s still a great thing.
I needed to make mistakes in my friendships in order to gain a deeper respect and appreciation for the people that forgive me and choose to still be there for me.
Also, I needed to feel deep sadness and grief to realize how strong I truly am. Even loneliness was something I needed to learn patience in order to know the great gift of finally dating Chris.
Your old version did the best they could at the time.
The mistakes you made don’t define your character. It’s what you learned from them that does. You were doing the very best you could that day.
Each day we are doing the best we can with what we have. Yesterday, I struggled to be nice to myself. That doesn’t make me awful yesterday and then good today.
I may have been kinder today, but each day holds its own importance. The me from yesterday got me here today. Her mess ups led me to more self-forgiveness and self-love the following day.
Maybe if we could find compassion for our old selves, then we could find compassion for others. Maybe we could love the people we are jealous of.
The shame could be rewritten into compassion. We could see the story that was tagged to us and start a new chapter built on self love.
I need to be more gentle with how I speak to myself. Allowing for mess-ups to be seen from a new perspective. Imagine a sweet southern voice saying, “Bless you, child. You try so hard.”
Insecurities come out through Jealousy. I’m learning to use jealousy and envy as tools that can help reassemble the parts of me that got broken along the way. You may be jealous of other women and want what they have, but the reality is that you just want to love YOUR life.
You want to feel like what you’re doing has purpose and meaning.
I want to feel like I am beautiful and loved and enough. But every time I go to the world, it tells me I’m a mess, ugly, unlovable, leave-able, not enough. I feel who I am disappear into the darkness of shame.
Shame is not your name. It never was and it cannot be. I dare you to look up what the meaning of your name is… because unless your name is Aeschylus, your name does not mean shame.
How you can use your present and past to bless your future
- Acknowledge that it’s the same action to be critical of other women as it is to be critical of yourself. The shame and critical thoughts you put on the quirky, young you affects how you see yourself *now*.
- In order to love what you have now, you have to start blessing who you used to be and what you used to have. You may regret and hate things you did, but bless you. Because you got to where you are today and made it past the awkward adolescence!
If you can’t have compassion for yourself, you won’t be able to have compassion for other women. I challenge you today to think, “bless her heart, she was doing the best she knew how to do,” “she got you here,” “she’s the one who recognized she needed help.”
Have compassion on yourself, past and present. Know you need compassion for yourself before you can give that to anybody else.
Free yourself from jealousy with this FREE email course, click HERE